I just celebrated 19 years of marriage, and I can say that marriage is still not “easy”. We still struggle with communication, joint parenting, and just spending enough time together. And when marriage is not easy is hard not to compare your marriage to others. So many other couples seem so perfect, like they have effortless relationships. Their grass always seems greener.
When other couples seems to have marriage down pat, they are kind of enthralling and annoying at the same time. The married couple on Flip or Flop HGTV was that couple. I was envious of how them could work together so nicely. She seemed like the boss of the relationship, but he respected her opinion and it just worked. The had the perfect life, or so it seems. I realize this was a TV show, but they seemed so happy.
I was shocked when it came out recently that the couple had separated. Rumors about a fight and a gun with police involved, what? How can that be? They always found a middle ground. They are a team. They are a family. How can this be? They never flopped! I pray for their reconciliation.
This recent HGTV revelation makes me realize how important it is not to compare your marriage to others. You really never know what goes on behind closed doors. And even if you did, every marriage is walking a different path. No two are the same, so how can they really be compared?
The most important thing with marriage is believing the commitment that God has placed on your marriage. So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together. Matthew 19:6. Hard times are guaranteed. Disappointments are inevitable. You have to keep the focus on the union that was blessed by God and everything else will fall into place.
When you realize that marriage is not about your personal happiness but the holiness of the union, things change. It takes 3 for a marriage to work, you, spouse and God. And God has to be in the forefront. The marriages that don’t have God will come to a point where someone is not satisfied, believes the grass is greener, and someone will want out. Hence, why divorce is 50%. And divorce not only breaks a couple, but it breaks families, and affects society.
Putting God first and trusting Him with your life and marriage, will help keep the right focus. It takes prayer, surrender, and communication to make it work. Instead of comparing our marriages to others, we must nurture them. If you think the grass is greener, water your own grass.