The Power of a Positive Pregnancy Test


Finding out you are pregnant is one of those moments that you will never forget, especially the first pregnancy.  I have been a mom over 12 years but I can still remember the time I saw two pink lines and the power of the positive pregnancy test!

Often us seasoned moms forget about that time when our life forever changed.  We find it east to complain about the daily struggles of mom life…making lunches for years on end, potty training, not sleeping, sibling rivalry…the list goes on.  We often forget that heart wrenching moment when we found out we were going to be a mom.

I got a reminder of that time recently when a few women at work were talking about our periods (I know kind of weird), and one states that her period is 4 days late and she is trying to get pregnant.  She also stated that she is 32 years old and was told she would never be able to get pregnant because she had endometriosis.  She hadn’t taken a test yet, because she didn’t want to jinx it.  Needless to say, we talked her in to taking a test at work (we work in a hospital, so they are readily available).   We got busy and forget about it but when we all got to sit again, we were like “so?…”  And she just burst into a huge smile and starts to well up with tears.  Two pink lines!  She said her heart was pounding, she felt so excited that she didn’t know what to do.  She threw out the Pepsi she was drinking and started asking us moms what she needs to do.  She wanted to call her husband and mom, but we told her probably not recommended since it was 2 am.  She also went on to doubt if she should tell anyone at all.  What if something happened?   Her reactions, emotions and questions took me right back to the day when I saw two pink lines.

I was 27 years old, and at work too, in Newport Beach, California.  It was the first month we tried to get pregnant and because I thought it was going to take months, I didn’t really think about it.  Something felt different so I decided to just take a test.   I remember standing there staring faint pink line started to form, my heart started to pound.  I could not believe it!  How could it have been so easy?  I was working at the time in a surgery center and saw women going under in vitro everyday, that getting pregnant the natural way, seemed impossible.  I could barely think straight.  I was so happy, so shocked.

We did everything we thought was right that pregnancy. I went to the doctor, ate healthy, and took care of myself.  We didn’t tell anyone till after the 12 week mark because we thought we were out of the danger zone.  I had two normal ultrasounds and had a healthy baby growing.   I’ll never forget the day it all changed.  I had the worst PMS attack ever, I remember sitting in the closet crying over nothing.  I didn’t know it then, but that was the day my baby died, sending my hormones into a nosedive.  I was 18 weeks along.  A few days later, to be confirmed by my doctor.  Cystic hygroma they said.  My life was forever changed.

The next pregnancy, I was extremely nervous.  I was still excited to be pregnant but very cautious.  I did not want the heartbreak again.  I did things differently the second time around.  I told people right away I was pregnancy.  I felt like a life was created and even though it may not survive,  it needs to be acknowledged and celebrated.  I also knew that I needed the support.  I needed people to encourage and love on me.  That is my advice for people, don’t feel like you have to wait to tell people.  There are never any guarantees, even after the first trimester, even after birth, even after kindergarten.  Life is very fragile, always.  New life should always be celebrated for it is a gift from God.

Happy ending to that story, I went on to have three beautiful, healthy, smart and wonderful kids, all with in 4 years!  It brought my husband I closer together an it forever changed my life.  I would not take it away for anything.   God has a plan and a reason.   For I know the plan I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11.

Back to the present day, a thought crossed my mind when I was thinking about this woman and the new life she had growing in her.  I was never going to feel that again.  I am 41 and not trying to get pregnant, nor do I want more children, even if it was feasible.  But that feeling of knowing you are pregnant, it just the best.  It is like of all the things that are wrong with this world, somethings are so right.  But, that chapter in my life is over.  I cannot say that I don’t feel a little jealous when I see a glowing pregnant woman but I am ok with never getting pregnant again.  I am so grateful for all God has done for us, blessing us with three children.  I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

So when you are feeling worn down from being a parent.  Feeling like it is groundhogs day, every single day. Take a moment to remember the day you found out you were pregnant.  The joy, the excitement, the anticipation.  And relish that feeling.  God is good.

Now, go do some laundry!

What is your pregnancy story?







Perspecitve on a Widowed Parent

My parents were married 38 years.  My dad was 16 years older than my mom, so he passed away first.  My mom was 64 at the time.  The older I get, 64 seems pretty young.  We were all heartbroken.

For me, life was too busy 6 years ago to really stop and mourn.  My kids were small, I was working, we just moved, life didn’t stop.  But for my mom, her life came to a complete halt.   Her whole world fell apart.  Being new to the area, she didn’t have many friends.  Her life long friends were in another state.  She worked part-time with people she didn’t like and my sibling, an older brother, lived in another state.  So it was just me and my mom.

I saw how she needed me.  To call her, to keep her busy.  But, I also saw how I couldn’t make her happy.  My family and I were not enough.  The active lifestyle we live, is also not compatible with what an aging body can do.

She went on a year after my father passed away and met a man she fell in love with.  I was so relieved that I did not have to carry the burden of her loneliness anymore.  But, unfortunately, that man died of cancer less than 2 years after then met.  He was previously healthy.

So here we are at square one, again.  I do everything to try to replace her loneliness. I have set her up on blind dates, tried to find girl friends for her.  I scope out 70-year-old men for her, it craziness.  None has been successful.

I just feel bad that she is missing out.  On trips she wants to take, movies she wants to see and love she wants to give.  I want to fix this, and I cannot.

I wonder if this is how she felt when I didn’t get asked to Homecoming, or when I didn’t have a boyfriend and everyone else did.  I imagine it is.  The roles now reversed.

God also commands us to take care of widows.  Honor widows who are truly widows.  1 Timothy 5:3.  It is good to remember this daily.  To remember to love our parents, even when the roles are reversed.   They have given us everything and they need us, just as we needed them.

Anyone else going through same?


Miss you Dad!

How to Feel Like You Are in High School Again

Group Of Teenage Friends Dressed For Prom

High school seems like a forever ago, but really only 2o+ years.  (Ok, that is seriously a long time!)  I was a different person back then, with a completely different life.  I cannot even remember living in those days, or it is very hard to.  This past Sunday though, I got a flashback and I felt like I was in highschool again!

After church we always go to lunch.  Usually a big group of us, like 20-30 people.  We vary where we go.  Finding a place that can accommodate a big group is tricky.  Also, half the group is kids and that always makes people nervous.  But this Sunday we went to Tijuana Flats.

I like Tijuana Flats, the food is good, they have healthy alternatives and for a family of 5 we usually can get out under $40, which is a bonus.  They also are open to allowing us to move tables so we can all sit at one big table.  The downside is, you have to order at the counter which is fine unless there is a long line, and Sunday there was a long line.

But the good thing about this is, they play music there, and loudly.  As soon as I entered, I heard the song, “These are the Days” by 10,000 Maniacs, and was flooded with happy memories and feelings of youth.  This, you see, was my Prom theme.  1993 in a Chicago suburban high school, I was taken back.  I cheerfully sang the words and danced to the beat.  I felt like I was 17 again!  My kids were looking at me like “what the heck happened to mom?”  I even caught a younger lady in line looking at me with a smile, perhaps she too was having a youthful flashback.

“These are days, you’ll remember

Never before and never since, I promise

Will the whole world be warm as this and as you feel it

You’ll know it true that you are blessed and lucky

It’s true that you are touched by something

That will grow and bloom in you”

Wow!  I do remember those days.  Like it was yesterday.  Even more than I remember yesterday.  The lyrics from These are the Days perfectly fit a high school graduation song for the year 1993.  Those were the days.

I remember like 20 of my friends went on a yacht after the Prom dance on Lake Michigan.  The next day we all went to Lake Geneva and all hung out for the weekend.  The perfect memory.

So, if you want to feel 17 again.  Listen to your high school Prom song.  It may not bring back happy memories like mine, but it sure will take you back.   To a time, before a job, marriage, kids, a mortgage and endless laundry.  A brief period in time when life was simple.  Still happy at this stage of life, but it never hurts to visit the past!

What was your prom theme?



Five Reasons to Love Middle-age


Being 41 years old has taught me a few things, but I still have some “aging” issues to overcome.  Going gray has been a legit fear of mine for probably about 10 years now.  I used to dye my hair in my twenties and early 30’s because it was cool (I wanted to be blonde) and I thought my real hair color was boring, mousey brown.  I saw many of my peers going gray in their 30’s and I started to freak a little, and decided that I was going to stop dying my hair to enjoy my last few years of not being obligated to dye my hair.  I must say that the gray hair color strip at the roots is a pet peeve of mine, sorry ladies.  I know, this is ridiculous.

But why is it that going gray such a fear of mine? Is it because I am afraid to look old? To other people? Or to myself?

Concerned young woman combing hair in bathroom

Reality check, with gray hair comes a life long enough to have gray, and that is worth it.  Or should I say it’s worth every gray!  Yes, we are aging.  But it’s ok, it’s what is supposed to happen and we should enjoy it.  We are not over the hill, we are on top of it.

5 Ways to Love Being Middle-aged

1) Be proud.  Growing old is a privilege that not everyone gets to do.  We all know someone who died at a young age and think of what they missed out on.  We were young once too, been there done that, moving on.

2) Stand up for yourself.  Lot’s of young millennials joke at me at work for being the “old lady”.  I reply, “look at my paycheck and we’ll see who’s laughing now”.  We have a lot of experience and wisdom, and with that brings higher pay and more freedom, yeah!

3) We are, or should be, in cruise control.  We are done with school, done with having kids, have jobs, steady relationships, regular housing, and now we just can live.  This is the time to enjoy all our past hard work.

4) We don’t care what others think of us, at least not as much as we used to. We no longer need approval from others.  I also stopped doing activities that I dislike, just because I thought everyone was doing them.   No more yoga, yes!

5) We are content, or should be, with our bodies.  We may not be tight or lean, but this body has stood the test of time and child-bearing.  Yes, health and fitness are still a priority but it no longer stresses me out.  I take care of myself because I want to live a longer life, not to fit into a size 6.

So all you 40 year-olds, you ROCK! Hope this pep talk helps:)