Struggling with Addiction? The 8 F’s of Addiction and What The Bible has to Say.

Real life Struggles

Addiction This could be alcohol, drugs, sex, computers, work, exercise or food.  (Or anything else that disrupts your daily life).   When you are addicted, you have obsessive thoughts about doing or seeing something and when you complete that action, your brain releases chemicals that make you want to do it again, and the cycle continues.  That is why long running addictions are harder to break than newer ones, because the brain has been hard-wired for a longer period of time.  Addiction is not a weakness, but the brain’s chemical dependence to a feeling.

But the question to ask yourself if what started the addictive behavior.  Addiction is self-destruction.  You are basically killing yourself slowly, in the least you are damaging your well-being.  But why would anyone want to hurt their own body?  Here is a list of some of the most common reasons addictions start.

The 8 F’s of Addiction 

Fear-  Is something making your excessively fearful?  Fear of death?  The health of your loved ones?  Being alone?

Fault-  Did you do something that your feel is your fault that dramatically altered your life or someone else’s?  Do you keep beating yourself up from something you did in the past?

Freedom-  Are you trying to escape?  Has the stress of everyday life got to you?  Do you just need a break?

Forget-  What are you trying to forget?  Something from your childhood?  Something you did?

Forgive-  Cannot forgive someone?  Yourself possibly?  Are you mad at God because you feel like He has abandoned you?

Fraud- Trying to be someone you aren’t?  Pretending?  Are you hiding a deep dark secret?

Fun- Did the addiction start out as something fun and end up consuming you?

Failure- Did you fail at something?  Do you feel like you cannot get anything right?

What Addiction Looks Like

Let me put these all into perspective.  My husband and I went on cruise a few years ago.  I like to people watch so I came to notice this one man on the first day of cruise.  He was a man in his mid-late 40’s who was drinking hard around the pool and being playful and flirty with the others that were partying around the pool.  The second day, he was seen again around the pool, drinking very early and hard, being loud and obnoxious.  He seems to be on the cruise by himself.  As the week went on and most other “normal” people started to calm down as far as the partying goes, he never did.  In the beginning of the week he was one in the crowd, by the end, he was alone at the bar with his hand on a drink, head down, looking quite somber, not sober.

I don’t know this man, but I can make some assumptions.   He obviously was an alcoholic.  I know this because of the amount of alcohol he could consume and still stay functional.  There were also clues from his body, red bloated face and distended abdomen.  This man possibly started to drink because it was fun.  His body liked the feeling of being drunk and then it became a crutch in his life possibly causing him to get divorced.  Now he has failure at marriage and that makes him fearful of being alone.  He also cannot forgive himself for ruining his life, so he drinks to forget all that he has done and how he is continuing the family tradition of alcoholism .  He continues to drink because that is all he knows, and would feel like a fraud if he did anything else.  He is angry at God for cannot forgive.  And the cycle continues.

Why Addiction Sucks So Bad

Addiction is a complicated struggle because most of us deny it or hide it from others, so it doesn’t feel real or apparent.  There is shame.  For instance, alcoholics tend to hide their drinking, and families tend to cover for other alcoholic members.  Binge eaters eat in secret, ect. ect.  Denial is part of the disease.  You lose touch with what is normal and healthy and the disease lies and tells you “it’s not that bad.”  The reality is God sees everything.  No addiction can be truly hidden.

The cycle of addiction is so tight that a single mere human find it very hard to break.  That is why people need support systems, rehabilitation, groups, and sponsors.  The first national rehabilitation group was Alcoholics anonymous, AA, has been around since 1935.  Their goal is to help people stay sober and to help other achieve sobriety.  AA started a twelve-step program as their foundation for success.  The twelve-step process is based on the addict admitting he is powerless to his addiction and need a “high power” to get them out of addiction.  Hmmm.  Sounds familiar.  Kind of like the Gospel.  We are all sinners, we are separated from God based on our sinfulness, they only way to God is to surrender our self to God, believe He sent his Son to pay for our sins, and to dedicate our life to Him.

Addiction can be beat.  With God anything is possible.

No matter what your view on God was before you became and addict, you absolutely need God now.  Every human being will eventually let your down, and you yourself have let yourself down.  But God’s love and grace is perfect and never ending.  God wants you to be holy, joyful and full of His love.

You matter to God!

Everyone else maybe mad or fed up with your addiction, but God isn’t.  He will never leave or forsake you.  You matter to Him and He has a plan for you, and He is the creator of the universe, so that is awesome!

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Jeremiah 29:11.

Let’s see what the bible says about the 8 F’s of Addiction.

Fear-

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.   Isaiah 41:10

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.   John 14:27

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.    Psalms 23:4         

Fault-

All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.  Isaiah 53:6

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.  Psalm 51:3-4

Who can discern his errors? Acquit me of hidden faults.  Psalm 19:12

Freedom-

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free the oppressed.  Luke 4:18

But now you have been set free for sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.  Romans 6:22

I came that they may have life and have it abundantly, a complete life full of purpose. John 10:10

Forget-

All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.  Romans 3:23

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.   Isaiah 43:18

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!  2 Corinthians 5:17

Forgive-

The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him.  Daniel 9:9

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.   Psalm 103:12  

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Fraud-                               

Whoever hates, disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart.  Proverbs 26:24

Wouldn’t God find out, since he knows the secrets in our hearts?   Psalms 44:21.

For everything that is hidden will eventually be brought into the open, and every secret will be brought to light.  Mark 4:22.

Fun-

Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.  Ephesians 5:18

Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.   Proverbs 20:1               

So I recommend having fun, because there is nothing better for people in this world than to eat, drink, and enjoy life. That way they will experience some happiness along with all the hard work God gives them under the sun.  Ecclesiastes 8:15

Failure-             

Trust the Lord with all your heart, and don’t depend on your own understanding. Remember the Lord in all you do, and he will give you success.  Proverbs 3:5-6 

Our enemies have no reason to gloat over us. We have fallen, but we will rise again. We are in darkness now, but the Lord will give us light.  Micah 7:8 

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 6:23

What now?

Hopefully if you have read this far, you feel a connection to what has been written.  Think about the 8 F’s of addiction and what caused you to become an addict.  Find the verses written about them and let them soak into your soul.

When you are ready to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, repeat this prayer:

“Dear Lord Jesus, I know I am a sinner, and I ask for your forgiveness. I believe you died for my sins and rose from the dead. I trust and follow you as my Lord and Savior. Guide my life and help me to do your will.  -Amen.”

Now, go get a bible and start reading.  Start going to a Christian Chuch.  Pray continually.  Listen to Amazing Grace.  Talk to other Godly people who can guide you and start living your new life with God.

Please share this post if you know someone struggling.  God Bess!

#Seriously1975

Comments?

                  

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How to Live a Long Life – Advice from a 107-year-old


Most people would agree that living a long life, with good health, would be desirable.  Personally, I would love to be able to see my kids and grandkids grow-up.  Also, living in future times, to see what it brings, seems interesting.  Meeting people who have already lived long lives is inspiring.  Well, the other day, I met the oldest person ever.  107!  She was born in 1909.  It boggles my mind to think of all the changes in her lifetime.  I have met thousands of people in my 20 years of nursing, but she was the oldest.   She is from on of my favorite generations, (see my blog post on generations), and she definitely fit the stereotype of a tough cookie.  Of course I had to ask her, “what is your secret to living so long?”

Her answer “having daily conversations with God, not just prayer, but a conversation.”  Wow.   Has this woman cracked the code to the fountain of youth?  Maybe.  Just maybe, daily conversations with God, steer our life for clean and holy living.  Keeping us away from toxic substances like alcohol, drugs and smoking.  Possibly talking to God lowers your stress level, lowering cortisol.  Could conversations with God make us happier and give us more drive to live?  Is God the answer?

I don’t know.  But I do know that knowing God will make your life superior, giving you joy and peace so when your life does end, you won’t question whether you got gypped by a short life.  I do know that having a God-focused life will give you a purpose, so your life, no matter how long, will have meaning.   I do know, that having a relationship with God will make you grateful for every single day of life you are given.

So, how do you have conversations with God?  I know this is different for everyone but it is letting God into your thoughts.  It is letting Him guide your decision making process.  For example, if you are driving and start to get frustrated at traffic, but then your take a breath and are filled with peace and just patience.  This is the way of God telling you to chill out.  Another example, when you have a decision to make, you talk to God, either out loud or in your head, and wait for answers.   His answers come in many ways, and at His time.  Sometimes through opening doors and closing others, sometimes through other people, and sometimes you just get a feeling of overwhelming confirmation.  You also know when you are going against God’s will because you get a feeling of angst mixed with disappointment.

For non believers, this sounds like craziness, I know.  How can you possibly have a relationship with someone you never met?  How can you rely on feelings and assume they are answers for God?  How can the creator of the universe care about your daily life?   Once again, I don’t have all the answers.   I do know that faith and trusting God will put your heart in place where it will make sense.   The bible puts it perfectly in Jeremiah 33:3, Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Something else to think about, how is your life going so far without God?  The fact that you have read this post this far makes me think you might need some answers and help.   People are great at pretending to be happy, yet they are miserable inside.  Yes, you can “fake life till you make it”, but you are missing out on all the peace and grace that a relationship with God offers.  Not to mention eternal life in Heaven, also a perk.

So, think about what the 107-year-old had to say…

Questions or comments?

#Seriously1975

5 Types of Friends and the Only One You Need – A Letter to My Daughters


Learning how decipher friends, (by that I mean finding those you can trust and those you can’t), is hard for adults to do.  For a middle schooler, it can be daughting.  The middle school years, ages 11-14, are critical years in child development.  These are the years of intense growth, mentally and physically, and independence.  They can make or break a tween/teen.   Having healthy friendships and good role models can help foster self-esteem and productivity.  Having troubled friends can lead down a path of drugs, apathy and rebellion.  Either way, the decisions you make in middle school can affect the rest of your life.

Having two tween daughters myself, I hear the stories about their “friends”.  It makes me realize how hard it is to figure out who’s who.  Who to avoid, and who to embrace.

Here is a letter to my daughters during their tween years.

Dear Daughters,

I love you more than I can say and I only want the best and easy route for you.  I know you have to figure things out and make your own mistakes, but I want to give you some guidance in the friend department.

 

There are 5 different types of friends.  I will explain each.

The Frienenemy. This is someone you know, are cordial with, but you don’t trust.  They may talk about you behind your back, be jealous or compete with you. Friendenemies are not someone you look up to as a role model.  They can live on the edge and can be rebellious.  Be kind to them, but do not choose them as a friend.

The acquaintance.  This is someone you kind-of know, maybe a social media friend.  You maybe never talked with them.  You really don’t have much in common, just a similar circle of friends.  The acquaintance will always be, just that, an acquaintance.  Neither of you have any interest in getting to know each other, so just leave it at that.

A situational friend.  This is someone you have a class with or maybe ride the bus with, and you talk during that time, but that is pretty much it.  You like this person and they respect you, but outside the class, you don’t have much in common.  It’s ok, situation friends are essential in getting through the day.  As an adult, these are known as “work friends”.

A good friend.  This is someone you like and can trust, maybe someone you sit with at lunch.  You probably have known them a while and your friendship has grown.  This is the kind of friend you invite to birthday parties.  You know their family.  They make you laugh and they support you.

A Bestie                                    This is someone who knows your heart and your secrets.  They support and encourage you.  You fully trust this friend.  This is the friend you spend the weekend with.  Everyone in the family likes this friend and our families get along.  They are your cheerleader and linebacker, and vice versa.  This is the most important friend for you to have.  Everyone needs a bestie, and you only need just one.  I have been blessed with several bestie’s throughout my life (Carla, Ann, Ellen, Jess, Stauss and several Heathers)  Even though our lives are in different places,  these besties helped shape my life.  Forever, I am grateful.

 

But, my daughters, the bad news is that every human being will eventually let you down.  Your bestie, your siblings, even your parents.  We are all fallen people.  You must not rely on us for happiness or fulfillment.

The good news is, Jesus Christ, will never let you down.  He loves you perfectly and unconditionally.  He is not a “friend”, but a Lord, so you must treat him as such, but you can have open communication with him through prayer.  He can fulfill you and give you joy.  He gives you a promise and a purpose.  He is the one you need.

So, my advice to you, my daughters, it to rely on Jesus, trust him with your heart, and he will lead the way.  He will help you throughout your life and help you make the right choices.

 

 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11.

Love, Mom

#Seriously1975

Comments?  What advice do you have for your daughter?

How to Talk to Your Kids During Disasters


disasters background as words clouds.


Hurricane Matthew just passed and where I live, we were going to be a direct hit. People were panicking because this was a cat 4 hurricane with up to 140 mph winds. Winds at that speeds leave total devastation. Roofs gone, trees down, flying debris along with flooding and power outages.  News casters called “this storm a monster that will kill you.”  One crazed new person even said “you and your children will die.”  Images of house being destroyed by past storms also got shown on TV.  All while children watch and wonder, what is all this mean to me?

 All 3 of my kids reached differently to the upcoming warnings. My oldest at 12 was like, ok whatever, we will deal. I think she felt safe. My middle child, got upset, crying and worrying.  What if the roof blows off?  My youngest is 8 and he thought it was going to be an awesome party.  Lots of sights and sounds and no school.  So, they all had to be talked to individually and at their level.

I addressed their concerns.  What if the roof blows off?  Well, then we stay in a safe room until the storm passes and then we fix our house up.  And mommy gets to redecorate!!  Can I get Chip and Joanna please!  I explained that we have insurance and that anything is replaceable or fixable.  It would be a lot of work but as long as everyone was safe, that’s all that mattered.

I also made sure they knew that God was in control of the storm.  He made the wind blow and determined its course.  There was nothing we could do to stop it or change it.  It was smart for us to prepare for it, but God was in control.  I also talked about how God is in control of our everyday life, even with out a storm.  He gives and takes away.  Once you give you life to Christ, he is the pilot.  Yes, we have to live wisely and make good choices but so very much is out of our control.  Just like a hurricane.

Gymboree Kids Clothing Newborn to Size 12

When you know God, you know that whatever happens, it’s going to be ok.  Illness, death, destruction.  It’s ok.  God has your back.  There is no need to worry.  He will give you peace.  Not saying there will not be sadness or struggles, but beyond that there is peace and joy because you are a child of God.  This life shall pass, but eternity is forever.  I know this doesn’t make much sense to non-believers, but trust me, the peace is undeniable.

So, when tragedy strikes, talk to your kids.  Listen to their fears.  Share with them God’s love and protection.  Then I reassure them, it’s going to be ok.

#Seriously1975

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar!


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I learned this week in bible study that the Proverbs 31 woman (who we all feel a little bit of envious of because she seems so sacrificial and perfect), is actually even more than that.  For those of you that are unfamiliar, a mother is telling her son what kind of women he should marry and the first sentence is “a woman who is virtuous, is more precious than jewels.”  When I think virtuous, I think moral, honest, caring…but what virtuous also means brave,  strong, efficient and able.

So I always felt like I never fit the “Christian woman” ideal because I was not quiet and submissive.  I would describe myself as a fireball.  I love God immensely but am still a sinner.  I am kind of loud and do a lot of physical work, like building, yard work, painting and power washing, not so much on the sewing and cooking.  If there is a bug in the house, I take care of it.  Not because my husband cannot, but because he is not home.  I don’t intimidate easy, and I stand up for what’s right.  Not because I’m awesome but because God’s awesome.  I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.  Philippians 4:13.  I find encouragement in this new connection to the Proverbs 31 woman.

So woman, be brave, be strong.  Get the job done.  Do what you need to do. Don’t rely on other people to make you happy.  Find encouragement in your strengths.  Teach the next generation to fear the Lord.

Inspire.  Love.  Serve.

#Seriously1975

 

Do You Worry About Your Kid’s Health?


 

young women is swimming in the pool

 

Those of us that have kids, know that worrying about our kids health is always in the back of our head.  Is that cough getting to bad, do I take them to the doctor?  Does that ankle look fractured?  Is that mole normal?  It never really ends.  I am sharing this story about a friend’s daughter to remind us how fragile life and health are and to not take any of it for granted.

My kids are competitive swimmers.  Like really competitive.  So when we go to big meets, we have come to know other good swimmers families and have become friends with them.  Even going out to eat after meets and hanging out.  Which is kind of unusual when you think about it, they are the competition.  But they also understand and respect all the woes of being really good and that creates a bond.

So at the last meet, I start talking to a mom friend about life, how’s it going and what not, when I immediately notice that something is wrong.  She is off somehow.  She looks stressed, lost and even medicated.  She mentions that they are under a lot of stress, so I don’t say anything and think maybe they are getting a divorce.

I go on my merry way, cheering for my kids, wanting them to do well.  I am in awe of how hard they work and how it has payed off.  But still, I wonder what is going on with the other mom.  Later on that night, I run into her again.  She starts to tell me about her stress.  She tells me that her older daughter who swims was having knee pain.  She assumed it was breaststrokers knee but she took her for an MRI just to make sure.  Well, it wasn’t breaststrokers knee, it was cancer.  Osteosarcoma.  Later to be confirmed by biopsy.   Parents worst nightmare.

I immediately hug my friend and share my feelings of utter disbelief and sadness.  I don’t know what else to say.  How could this beautiful healthy 13-year-old girl have bone cancer?  She begins to tell me that they are harvesting her eggs and soon she was starting chemo, radiation and then surgery.  Wow.  And 5 minutes ago I was worried about my kid dropping time.  Now, I am just filled with sadness, guilt and fear.

I am sad because I know how this mom’s heart is breaking.  She will have to see her daughter suffer.  The family is going to be on an up and down rollercoaster for years.  The “perfect life” just left.  I feel guilty because I take for granted my kids health and really my own health all the time.  So what if they don’t win the 50 freestyle, they are alive and well, aren’t they?  My husband and I have been able to complete several marathons; do we know how lucky we are?   Some people cannot walk.  I feel fear because I know at anytime we too could get debilitating news about one of our children.  This is the worst.  I want nothing more than for my kids to be healthy and happy, but I realize this is just a want, not a reality.

Because of my relationship with God, I know nothing takes him by surprise.   I know he loves the girl with cancer.  In fact he loves all of us.  He gave us life and can take it away.  We have to respect God as Creator and Lord.  All things happen for His purpose and glory.

Yes, it’s terrible.  Yes, it’s sad.  But, it will bring good.  Her story is not over.  In fact, it has already changed me.  Be grateful for all that you have. Don’t take your health for granted.  Love your kids.  Love others.  Pray for others that are suffering.  Know and love God, for He is the only one that can bring true peace and understanding.

#Seriously1975

Words of Advice to Young Parents. Ten Easy Steps to Help You Not Only Survive, But Thrive.


New Hipster Plus Baby Carrier
Kids playing with wooden toys. Two children, cute toddler girl and funny baby boy, playing with wooden toy blocks, building towers at home or day care. Educational child toys for preschool and kindergarten.

Having children is very challenging, yet rewarding experience.  I sometimes feel like that part of my life was a whirlwind.  A younger coworker (20 something) of mine just found out she is having another baby and this made me reflect on my own childbearing years and how we not only made it through alive, but thrived.

Let me explain what a day for a parent of two or more is like.  You are exhausted after giving birth and have to get up at 6 am and take care of a toddler, who may never nap.  You finally sit to feed the new baby just to have the toddler demand a snack or have to go the bathroom.  You have a colicky baby and a cranky toddler.  You will have to chase a toddler down the grocery isle while toting a newborn.  You will protect the newborn from projectiles the toddler is throwing.  You will have to cook, clean, shower, do laundry and still be a spouse, all while maintaining the life of 2 (or more) little people.  You will have to eventually go back to work, and find someone trusting enough to watch 2 kids or you will work odd hours or nights and never sleep, splitting the parenting your spouse.  You will not let your guard down for years because until a kid is like 5 or 6, anything is possible.  Sound familiar?

But wait, I did all that… We did that.  We had 3 kids within 4 years.  How did our kids turn out so happy and healthy?  How did our marriage survive?  How did none of my kids have a traumatic brain injury from another kid jump in on them?  We did have a few bumps and bleeding along the way, but really we were unharmed.  We survived, in fact we thrived.

Looking back at those times of having “little” kids really brings back happy memories.  It was fun, it was chaos in its own way, but it was awesome.  We made, shaped and grew 3 beautiful people.  We taught, disciplined, loved and shared.  We made a family.  We missed out on some things (like going out to eat) but I would not change anything.   Those we some very happy times.  There were some times that are now funny (not so much then), like when all the kids were having severe meltdowns at Disney and the Disney worker came over to help us.  I don’t know how we did it, but we did, and we loved it, and we love them.

So what advice to I have for all the young parents out there?

Words of Advice to Young Parents

 1)  Enjoy these times.   They are fun, crazy, chaos, and fast.  They will be big in the blink of an eye.  And yes, an old lady in a grocery store told me the same thing 10 years ago, I just couldn’t believe it to be true.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, like a clean house.  Someday your house will be empty.

2)  Love them unconditionally.  They never are what we imagined but they are always a gift from God.

3)  Hug them.  Kids need physical touch.  They need to “feel” love.

4)  Listening to them.  They cannot talk when they are babies, but you can make eye contact and give them your attention.  Kids start to act out when they feel like they are not being heard.

5)  Know their hearts.  Get to know their fears, likes, dreams.  They are individuals.  Build their self-esteem.

6)  Don’t be afraid to be the parent.  YOU ARE THE BOSS, ALWAYS!  Tell them no.  Set limits.  If you don’t like a behaviour, act appropriately.  Let them know you are in charge and be consistent with discipline.

7)  Dont’ be afraid be their friend.  Laugh, play, have fun.  Get down to their level and just play.

8)  Be yourself (good and flawed) in front of them.  No parent is perfect, just like no child is perfect.  When you make mistakes, explain to them why is was a mistake and how no one is perfect.  Be genuine.

9)  Take lots of pictures.  This will momentarily stop time and give you a lifetime of happiness looking over past photos.

10)  Teach them about God.   This is the best thing you can do for a child.   It will ground them, show them love, teach them how to treat others, and to give them a purpose.  It will also teach them that the world does not revolve around them, which I know is shocking, but it doesn’t.  Getting involved with a church is a great way to start.  Find a churches with a children’s ministry.  We started at a Baptist church when my kids were little and it has made them who they are today.

Yes, having kids is hectic but learning to love the stage you’re in is priceless.

#Seriously1975

.  MiaMily Red HIPSTER™ Multi-Wearing Carrier

Seven Ways to Parent a Tween with Love


Group of female elementary school friends

I have two tween daughters and I love this stage.  With the help of godly counsel in my life, I have learned some ways to parent them in this transitional stage. Tween brains are trying to figure out life. Stuck between children and teenagers, they are possibly the most curious stage. Their bodies are changing rapidly and they are trying to figure it all out.

This is time when all things are hormonal. The tears, the temperament, the giggles about boys, the insecurity, the painful boobs and the periods.   Having two girls, ages 10 and 12, I see the changes.  I notice the moods.  It’s all too familiar.  They no longer want to play with toys but play with musical.ly.  They care about their hair and what products to use.  The want cool underwear.  They worry about pimples.

This time is so sweet to me.  My little girls becoming little women.   Finding their way through this hormonal mess called womanhood.  I feel a bond to them. Because I too am struggling through this hormonal mess called womanhood!  And it feels like just yesterday, I was in their shoes.  Now that I am on the other end of the curve (aka peri-menopause),  I find it exciting to see the next generation going through the stages.

The thing is, God made woman.  Of course we can from a man, but we are different. We are wonderfully made.  We have been given the privilege to bear children.  And with that privilege comes the hormonal mess called womanhood.  So, it is my privilege to pass that knowledge on to the next generation of women.

7 Ways to Parent your Tween with Love

1) Love them unconditionally.  Their body and minds are changing rapidly and they need us to support and comfort them in this time.  They will make mistakes and when they do reprimand and love them at the same time.

2)  Teach them about their bodies and about sex.  Now, you don’t have to spill all the details if they are not ready but you have to let them know the boundaries they need to set with boys.  We let our daughter to go the Silver Ring Thing at our church and it taught purity and why it is so important.  Not only does purity guard their bodies but it guards their hearts and minds.  They explained how early sexual experiences is harmful to self-esteem and can lead to other unhealthy behaviour like drugs.  (For more information, see www.Silverringthing.com)

Tweens have never been through hormonal changes like this so it can be scary and frustrating.  Teach them what is happening, like why they cry more, and how it is normal. That ever girl goes through it, just at different paces.

3)  Praise them.  When you see them being kind or gracious, let them know you see their good behavior and love it!  Build their esteem up so they don’t seek attention from others.  Tell them they are beautiful!

4)  Set limits.  They will push you and want to experiment with clothes, make-up, social media, friends, boys, (and just about everything else too).  Let them know where you stand, what you will not allow, and that YOU ARE THE BOSS.  No means no.  They don’t need a friend, they need a consistency.

5)  Set the example.  If you don’t want your girls to wear inappropriate clothes, heavy makeup, or swear, then don’t do it yourself.  Also, if you don’t want them to smoke, drink or use drugs, them you shouldn’t be either.  This is a tough one, but actions speak louder than words.

6)  Teach them about modesty.  They are still children and dressing or acting like adults only leads to trouble, especially on social media.  Children should not look sexy. It sends the wrong message.  So don’t buy them the clothes that you would not want them to wear or allow them to post pictures that you do not approve of!

7) Listen to their problems and concerns.  They have a lot of changes going on and with that comes many unique questions.  Answer their questions.  Ask them questions.  Don’t be afraid to talk to them about personal stuff.  Get involved with them!  If they aren’t talking to you, they will get the information from someone else.

Hope this help 🙂  Comments?

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